Eleven Plus Rewards

How do parents reward themselves when their children do well on an eleven plus exercise?

First of all they have to tell someone. The `someone’ can range from a loving grand parent to a fierce playground rival.

Secondly they have to reward the child. The `reward’ can range from a quiet `well done’ to the promise of trip to Disneyland Paris.

Thirdly parents have to reward themselves. The reward can range from a satisfied smile to the anticipation of a serious food reward.

Out of all the options the food reward may sometimes seem the best option. I can recall a banana soufflé being presented with due pomp on some extra special occasions. Banana leaves are sometimes hard to come by in some of the major supermarkets – but you can but ask. (For the un-initiated the banana leaf acts as a platter – not a loin cloth.)

Slice six bananas and boil with half a cup of water, juice of one lemon and two liqueur glasses of Van Der Hum. Allow to boil until the fruit is mushy and the liquid reduced. Rub through a sieve and sweeten to taste. Add two yolks and heat mixture over steam to prevent curdling.

Line a buttered pie dish with slices of pie cake – slightly moistened with Van Der Hum. Arrange the banana mixture on top and cover with another layer of cake and some chopped walnuts.

Beat up whites with five tablespoons of sugar, pile on top of the walnuts and bake in a moderate oven for around thirty minutes. Allow to cool and the garnish with cream and cherries.

The distribution of the rewards is easy. Your eleven plus child earns one slice for providing the excuse. Your much loved partner is offered one slice for just being with you.

Grand parents can share a slice – for their unstinting love and support.

You started with half a cake, cut it in half and then in half again. You `gave away’ three slices. What percentage do you get? Is the overall angle of your share obtuse or reflex?

Of course there will be some who do not agree that their child should be offered alcohol of any kind. The reward, however, is for you. Just eat your child’s share. You really are worth it!

(Advanced eleven plus parents will be able to work out the percentage increase that will accrue to you if your child is forced to maintain sobriety and wholesomeness.)