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Monday, March 28, 2011

Your Eleven Plus Clone

Your first born has passed the eleven plus and will be going to grammar school in September. The first born can play the piano to Grade 5, the violin to Grade 3, sings in the school choir and swims regularly with a swimming club. Your first born spoke early, read early and is a happy and contented child. Grammar school is going to be a good option. The grammar school in question has a thriving drama club – and this is where your child’s heart lies.

The second born is a little more laid back – a little less driven and clearly very different.

The third born is the sweetheart of the family. Loved by all – with a lovely smile and a pleasant personality. Communicative and happy. No problems there.

Back again to number two. As a parent you would not want to change your second in any way – except possibly wish to clone the work habits of number one.

Cloning is a method of producing perfect living copies of plants or animals, by transplanting a cell nucleus into an embryonic environment. It is likely that you have been practising this form of cloning for ages by taking cuttings from one plant to establish another.

Cells of animals and humans contain the same genetic information – so it should be possible to take one `cutting’ and nurture a duplicate.

Recent advances in DNA should allow scientists to be able to identify the study gene. Once this has been established in your first born you should be able to organise a `cutting’ and thus establish the perfect eleven plus candidate.

Laid back (mostly)
Driven (when necessary)
Loved by all (usually)
Pleasant (unless crossed)
Communicative (knows when to keep quiet)

In built in the new style second born will be a desire to work through paper after paper without grumbling. There will also be a compulsion to maintain a tidy bedroom and place washing in the washing box without a reminder.

Your friends will remark on your good fortune.

Your child’s teachers will tell you how proud you must be of your child’s successes and progress.

Your in-laws will remind you, once again, that your spouse was also fantastic academically.

You will be able to rest at night confident about the eleven plus. You will be able to say: “We did it without much outside help – just natural ability.” There will be no need to tell anyone at all that all you did was a little DIY cloning.

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