Can parents ever expect, and demand, total obedience from
their eleven plus children? There must be absolute obedience if a train is
bearing down on the family at a railway crossing. Do children need to be
equally obedient about doing extra eleven plus work? To what extent should children
be obedient in the majority of eleven plus situations?
There is, of course, the legitimate authority of the mother
and father of eleven plus children. Some parents may spoil their track record
by constant repetition of a familiar litany: “How can you do this after all I
have done for you?”
This is the obedience built up over a number of years – and is
often tempered by fire! (Or an angry mother.) When the eleven plus child was
two years old he or she probably knew that it would be unwise to carry a plateful
of sticky doughnuts over the brand new carpet. A proud mother or father would possibly
not even need to demand absolute obedience.
If, however, the child had reached the stage of working
through eleven plus papers but had enjoyed a tempestuous relationship over
extra eleven plus work, then it may become very difficult to try to pin the candidate
down to serious study.
Many parents, at times, may wish that they had developed a
fool proof system of agentic leadership. This is where the parents are firmly
in command of the eleven plus situation. An agentic leadership style can be rather
like a commander in charge of troops. “It
is time to go to your desk and start work. I do not want or expect any
argument. Go now!”
Some children may appear to be naturally obedient when asked
to do something in front of other people. “What a dear sweet child you have!”
Other children may appear to enjoy making as big a fuss as
possible – when it is clearly a highly inappropriate moment. This, for example,
is the two year old who throws a tantrum in the middle of a large and very busy
supermarket. Will that same child throw a similar tantrum when asked to do some
eleven plus work when the much loved grandmother arrives for a visit?
Aeschylus (525 to 456BC) was a wise Greek. He remarked on
obedience:
“Obedience, you know, is Good Luck’s mother, wedded to
Salvation, they say.”
“Dear eleven plus children,
If you are obedient, you will give yourself the opportunity
of gaining eleven plus salvation!
Yours sincerely,
Anxious Tutor
