You have a faint but worried feeling that your very precious
eleven plus child needs a little help. You turn to your family and friends. You
approach the school for advice. You think fleetingly of the doctor and then you
remember a friend of a friend. You don’t want the world. All you want is a
little help for your child.
You look in an old address book for the phone number. You
know you did not transfer the number onto your phone. You wonder what to do.
You worry a little more. You then remember the wise words of your grandmother. “Initial
success might lead to lesser goals, initial failure can stir one to greater
effort.”
You take a piece of paper and fold it in half. You feel
decisive. You head one column `Talking’ and the other `Counselling’
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Giving my child a good talking to
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Counselling
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Addressing the problem and marshalling my thoughts
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Trying to establish a framework for my child to solve the problem for
himself or herself.
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Choosing a time and place for the formal `talking to’
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Suggesting a little expedition to allow an opportunity for an
informal chat
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Building rapport – but this is not essential
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Empathy is the key
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The problem with the counselling approach is that sometimes
children prefer the more direct approach. Parents want to be able to maintain a
relationship and the eleven plus year can be stressful enough without a full
blown family fight.
You make a decision. You are not going to cope with this perceived
problem on your own. The whole family must be involved. You invite the
immediate family and the extended family along for Sunday lunch. You spend the morning
cooking and feeling, at times, rather under pressure. The children keep out of
your way. No one knows why all have been summoned.
On the floor, in the centre of the lounge, you have a pile
of sheets. You separate the males and the females. You send the males out of the
room and ask all the women and girls to drape themselves in sheets. The female
contingent then kneel, sit or stand around the room. The males, on their
return, have to identify the bodies under the sheets.
The party is noisy and successful. Your tasty food adds to the
occasion. You feel tired but happy. Someone asks, rather loudly, why you have
invited everyone. You reply that you have quite forgotten. The party goes on.
The eleven plus goes on. You and your child survive another
eleven plus crisis.
You crumple your piece of paper.
