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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Eleven Plus Humour

For some parents getting married must have been a lot less stressful than trying to guide their children through the complexities of the eleven plus.

A single and, as yet, unattached bride to be, with her eyes on the main prize of marriage, is able to plot a path towards the big day with ruthless and flinty eyed determination. The shoes have to be the right shade of pale. The groom and the best man have to be dressed to perfection. And then we need to consider the bridesmaids. The dresses and the corsages have to be correct to the millimetre. Every one, however, listens carefully as the quite shy and unassuming bride to be becomes a martinet. “It is my big day. Please just do as I say.”

The one bit of uncertainly about the whole day is the speech of the best man. The brand new wife does not need to like the best man – but she does have to listen to his speech. Will he say anything that will destroy the serenity and purpose of the day?

Sample 1
“Family and friends.
I would call you `Ladies and gentlemen’ but I happen to know better.”

Sample 2
Some men marry for love
Some men marry for companionship
James just wanted a new toaster.

Sample 3
By the way, the best time to do the washing up
is straight after she tells you to!

Jokes about the eleven plus just don’t seem to have the same provenance.

Have you heard the joke about the verbal reasoning, the non verbal reasoning and the mathematics papers?

These forlorn words also just do not seem to have an authentic ring.

“Knock, knock.”

“Who is there?”


“Verbal who?”

“Verbal Reasoning!”

Any ideas please?

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