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Saturday, September 29, 2007

How to be happy.

About three miles from our head quarters in Gravesend is an area called Springhead. We landed up developing out headquarters in an Industrial Park because of the number of cars visiting us on a Saturday morning. Parents drop their children off for lessons, collect them and also arrive for assessments and chats.

Some parents have to pass through the area called Springhead to arrive with us. We have noticed a strange phenomenon. The parents and the children always appear to arrive relaxed, calm and smiling. We think it is because the Springhead area was an important centre for a wild pagan religion based on the `Cult of Source’.

This cult is to do with healing and fertility – and all temples and shrines were usually situated near to a spring. As an extra tuition organisation we could not offer an opinion on fertility. This would not be up to us. We can wonder, however, about healing. Any cars have to pass close to around six Roman Celtic temples. At one time these temples would have been enclosed by walls.

It looks as if people visited the temples to try to find a cure.

So today I can reveal a world first. A planned trip to Springhead for all parents who feel they may need a cure for the dreaded disease of `Eleven Plus Itis’. The symptoms are when you look at your child with a sense of exasperation. You may, at times, feel exasperated and frustrated. How can a normal intelligent child suddenly become unable to want to sit down to yet another eleven plus paper? Your doctor will only be able to offer you pills and advice to seek counselling. Well we have a much better alternative. We have a three hour mediation session.

All parents will sit in a large circle and will hold hands. No words will be spoken because who wants to hear about anyone else’s problems. The wind will pass through the grass. Parents will be able to hear leaves falling from trees. The traffic on the nearby A2 will retreat to a faint dull roar. Pages of verbal and non verbal reasoning papers will be passed around.

The faces of parents would lose their lines. Their faces would be restored to `pre children’ levels. The sadness and the hurt would leave their hearts.
Parents would return to their families restored and confident to be able to take any problems that may lie ahead. Faith in humanity would be restored. Children would be loved once again. The words `I told you so’ would be forgotten. Love and happiness would rule.

We must surmise that the ancient Celts and Romans probably did not know too much about eleven plus examinations. If they had have had problems like those encountered by parents approaching the eleven plus it is highly likely that the Romans would have returned to Rome a whole lot earlier.

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