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Sunday, September 30, 2007

How to Remember in Examinations

One of the mums was chatting to me on Saturday. She came up with the familiar lines:

“He has a memory like an elephant!”

Now elephants live for around sixty years so elephants may have to remember the commands of many mahouts in their time. I suppose remembering to an elephant is a bit like going through school with a succession of teachers.

The elephant actually has the largest brain among all of us land mammals. Their communication skills are also advanced. An elephant can communicate by touch – but can also make contact with an elephant about five miles away. Humans would have to use a mobile phone to achieve the same effect!

Now I took a careful look at the rather handsome boy in question. In particular I looked at his ears. This is not some strange aberration – I looked at the boy’s ears because we all know that elephants use their ears to cool their brains. So I looked at the boy to see if his ears were flapping as I spoke.

Now we have all been taught that when an elephant lifts his trunk and flaps his ears it is time to move away. So now we are going to have to look closely at our eleven plus children,

If you see your child pulling his or her ears – and sniffing the air at the same time – don’t be too concerned. It may be no more than a sign that your child is thinking.

Just pause and think of the poor teachers in charge of the final eleven plus examinations. We know that the teachers will be walking quietly round the room keeping a careful check but this year the eyes of the teachers will be drawn to the ears of the children writing the examination.

So armed with this information parents can change their approach to their children. Parents will be able to stop their poor children working through eleven papers. Parents will no longer need to go to the expense of hiring tutors. The solution is much cheaper.

All parents have to do is to go to their local chemists and ask for the new `prescription free’ remembering cream. The box is easily recognisable. There is a picture of an elephant with little forget-me-nots resting in a crown on the head of the elephant.

As the whole family sit there in the evening watching TV, mum will be rubbing cream into one ear and dad will be rubbing the special eleven plus cream in the other ear. Mum and dad will be singing quietly in a sweet duet:

“Here is your `exam special’ memory cream.

So off now to sleep and have a good dream.

Rubbing your ears has helped brighten your brain,

And you can wash those exam papers straight down the drain.

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