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Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Eleven Plus and Looking Good

It has never got easier for men and women. If they are dissatisfied about a portion of their body all they have to do is make an appointment, draw a large amount of money from the bank (or credit card) and submit to the knife.

There are even some forms of body enhancement, I understand, that can be accomplished in the lunch hour. Some eleven plus parents may feel the need to rush home to help their child with a paper – so an `after hours solution’ could be difficult. Imagine the decision – a Botox top up against an eleven plus paper! There would be no contest.

Some procedures, again I understand, are completed within the space of a film. It is therefore possible to re-watch Bridget Jones’s Diary while having a little lipo suction on the stomach. Of course the surgeon would advise you not to laugh at the funny bits in the film – but that could be a matter of choice.

We will all remember the story of Jocelyn Wildenstein who spent just on two million dollars in her efforts to improve her body. She tried to make her face look more like a cat in an effort to keep her husband’s interest.

If Jocelyn had had two million to spend on her face and body – just think of what she could have done in the world of the eleven plus.

Section 1
Full face lift £3000 (but can cost up to £9000).
Ten eleven plus free papers.

Section 2
Botox Treatment £300
Three eleven plus books £21

Section 3
Porcelain veneers £20000
A tutor for a year £1000

Section 4
Breast Augmentation Package £3500
Help from Mum and Dad £0

There will always be parents who are lucky enough to have an eleven plus child who does not need to work through papers, rejects a tutor and passes with flying colours. There may also be some parents who balance the cost of buttock implants against additional help for their child.

Good luck to the cosmetic parade of the parents of some eleven plus children. Good luck to their children if one of the parents does have cosmetic surgery. After all it is important to look good at the school gate.

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