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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Eleven Plus and thoughts on the UFO.

I would how you would react if your child dashed into the kitchen one morning and announced that a UFO had landed beside the house. Imagine your surprise and despair if you were also told that an extra terrestrial being was now working through a recent verbal reasoning paper.

Key thoughts would flash through your mind. Did your much loved child eat large quantities of cheese the night before? (Was it really a double cheese burger?) Had you allowed your Eleven Plus candidate too much lee way by allowing Was the UFO real? Could the extra terrestrial being really work through an Eleven Plus Verbal Reasoning paper?

Naturally you would not panic. I am sure you moved slowly towards your child to offer a much needed hug. You would then have whispered: “Did the ETB (Extra Terrestrial Being) solve question 34?” (Question 34 read: Mary is shorter that Jill but taller than Sylvia while Poppy is taller than Jill but shorter than Harry. Who is the shortest?)

If your child snaps at you and asks to concentrate on the actual problem then you would immediately realise the need to keep calm. After all if you started think about how you, and the rest of the family, could be abducted because of failing to answer an Eleven Plus question – then it is possible that you may feel a strong need to panic.

If the ETB (Extra Terrestrial Being) failed to solve the question you could immediately swing into action:

Have your child’s eyes tested.

Have the ears tested.

Have allergies to cheese tested.

Book an appointment for your child with a Neurological Psychologist. (At the same time why not cancel your appointment with your life coach?)

Check to see if the ETB has a current CRB check.

Ask to look at the ETB’s teaching qualifications.

Look out the references you were offered by the ETB.

As a final resort promise your self that you will keep off an form of stimulation inspired by a member of the grape family.

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